The fear of judgement

The fear of judgement is a huge issue for all, but I expect particularly for women. If we flip it on it's head, it equates to that innate desire to please people or wanting approval; which is why motivation for women (from my observation), best comes from emphasising encouragement and reinforcing feelings of confidence and self-worth.

I am certainly not immune to the fear of judgement and I am my worst critic at times but I have found reframing situations with clear success criteria which is appropriate to that point in time, combined with positive, kind self talk have really helped me. And just as with any skill, this has to be practiced everyday, along with surrounding yourself with people that can remind of you of these at times when you inevitably stumble.

I was petrified doing my first Bikini Fitness Bodybuilding show. It took me nearly 12 months to mentally get ready for it. Looking back over the last six months and doing 3 shows, I can really see how the process has changed me for the better. I certainly didn't love being the centre of attention back then and I may not love it now, but I'm no longer petrified which is progress. It is amazing how one can desensitize to a situation, with a careful strategy, because what once was a challenge now feels like the warm-up.
Previously, I had quite a rigid identity about being primarily an introvert (with a little extroversion thrown in). The problem with these unyielding beliefs about oneself, is they are very limiting and in fact, competing in bodybuilding shows has taught me I can be both. I have learnt how to have a fluid existence on the introversion- extroversion spectrum and in fact this applies to all the personality traits. I can switch quite happily between the two when it is required and I feel comfortable now in a range of challenging situations. This flexibility in personality has served me well because it has opened up a whole new world for me, one which continues to push and encourage me to grow, rather than terrifying me. I understand now how to deal with pressured difficult situations and it means I can navigate (not always smoothly) rather than run or avoid. In truth, navigation sometimes involves an occasional stiff gin and a very deep breath at the end of an evening, but that's what being a human is about! Situations where one "faces" rather than "avoids" can only be successful because it creates confidence. There is that moment, where you amaze yourself... reflect and usually use some sort of verbal profanity, which translated goes along the lines of "how the hell did I do that?"


My Bikini bodybuilding experience was a mentally positive one because I chose a very nurturing mental strategy. The conventional approach which I initially tried was extremely corrosive and thus very short lived. It did however instigate the evolution of "inside-out" training, which is first and foremost about treating the body kindly with nutrition and exercise, with the actual physical presence a secondary consideration.  Getting on stage for me for the first time was about having a chance to celebrate the work I had done, which in my case was more mental. I had to overcome a lot of fears to step on stage half naked in front of hundreds of people. Amongst the multitude of fears was the fear of perfection, fear of being the centre of attention, fear of judgement, fear of performing my routine, fear of being classed as a narcissist, pretty much fear of everything. The beautiful thing about facing fears and really understanding what judges are saying is very powerful. Yes, judges are judging but they are not questioning a competitors "worth",  they are simply trying to decide who best fits into a chosen set of criteria for a certain federation. For Bikini (Toned-Figure for NABBA) this is even more subjective than some of the more muscular categories because overall presence and package is rated highly so in some respects it's mentally a much harder category because there is so much out of your control.

Understanding the system of how people judge and why, is a useful skill to have because it means you can detach from taking things personally. And actually this has helped me deal with judgement in  the real world. The skills are beautifully transferrable. Working on self-worth is vital to this process as it means you can stand firmly and comfortable in your skin at almost all times.  For me this came as a consequence of taking good care of my body, physically and mentally. This is the beauty of inside-out training. You tend to feel really great when you eat well, rest well and listen to your body. I think a person that is fit, healthy and happy is always beautiful, whatever shape or form that takes because it's one of the highest expressions of self-worth.

There have been times when I have had to make the body the primary focus the week before a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu tournament or Bikini competition and I have to say I don't enjoy it one little bit. Because I emphasise health, my body will tolerate being pushed beyond what it's happy to do but I am very strict about doing this for the absolute minimum of time I have to.

Fear of judgement is a huge factor in why women don't participate in sport and this is a shame, as sport has been my tool for creating a really healthy happy life. It has helped build confidence and resilience in all manner of ways. At the core root of most people's belief system is one of wanting to be the best you can be and so any action out of alignment with this usually creates mental and physical chaos. Treating your body and mind kindly, with respect is a big step in creating confidence and this is one of the best weapons against fear of judgement. The judgement won't stop, it's human nature and perhaps even necessary, but we can certainly build resilience with how we deal with it.