Let there be thunder in my thighs

Working with many women on their fitness and sporting journey’s, including my own, I come to the conclusion that feeling confortable in one’s skin is a huge self-motivator for healthy behaviour and action. The big question is therefore – How does one get to this point?

My journey here has been a convoluted rollercoaster of a ride, but after 35 years I feel closer to this than I ever have been and it really has nothing to do with my body but rather perspective in life, a feeling of self-worth and my attitude to it. Being strong and healthy are two things that matter to me; when my body reflects this I feel good and I feel confident. Conversely, I feel let down and disappointed when I get ill or injured. So perhaps it is this alignment of positive values with ones body that is the issue and the willingness to really look after oneself.

My co-existence in both Bikini- Fitness and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu competitions often gets looks of confusion and the response “how does this tie in with your values about positive self-image”? The answer to this is….actually really well, because the commonality is "how" I do both sports. This wasn't always the way, but my focus in training is just to get the best out of myself both physically and mentally. It is therefore mind first, body second. I enjoy pushing barriers and being creative. Asking the questions - Can I do this a better way than what is being done now? Why do it that way? As a coach turned full time athlete I am every coaches worst nightmare and essentially I like to coach myself as much as I can and outsource what I need, to very trusted participants! It's not so much the need to control...it's more the enjoyment of being creative. I like experimenting much more than I do failing nowadays because every now and again you discover something truly remarkable. 

With my chosen way of doing things comes some difficult things too. I have a spirit of adventure, I like to explore and I therefore co-exist in a lot of different worlds, some where perhaps I really shouldn't - like bodybuilding! I am not immune to fear of judgement. I purposely put myself in situations where I will, and do get judged everyday. It has however taught me to stand tall, regardless of what anybody thinks. My daily life at the moment involves training and working in a male dominated environment and what really strikes me is how hard this is. I want to be treated as an equal but I also want to be recognised as being female. So yes....I am a man-loving (not man-hating) feminist and I would love for men to understand this; that actually women want to be treated as equals but respected for being females too - the same but different. This situation in gyms and in sports environments doesn't seem to happen as easily as I thought! So yes, I am subjected to various forms of degrading and opinionated comments on a daily basis (and it isn't just men). Strength and beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. I am finally at peace with my body and the biggest lesson here is “peace” is not linked to having a great body. It’s just about coming to terms with what you have, what you can or cannot change and what you choose to change.

My legs are chunky and my breasts are tiny…OR could I say….my legs are powerful and my breasts are natural and I would not change them now. I am certainly more than the sum of my body parts and the words we tell ourself can take us further than we can imagine when they are said with meaning and intent.

I for one am now tired and bored of the one-size fits all beauty images we see in the media and I couldn’t be more happy to be part of Sport England's “This Girl Can” campaigns. Body types should not be “fashionable”. I believe the goal is to be fit, healthy and happy and however the body chooses to express that….is perfection, so it does exist in my eyes!

The underlying message I aim to share is less about the sports I do, but more that women should feel empowered to do what they want in the way they want to do it, not in the way society tells them to do it. There are so many ways to get fit and feel good about one’s self and actually it’s really fun to explore this…you just never know where it may take you.