Six weeks has passed so quickly training in Thailand; it has been an emotional and physical journey to say the least. Bodybuilding prep for a Figure competition, a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Tournament, a hospitalised Staph infection and a few personal curveballs have created a maelstrom of emotion; good, bad and everything in between. The upside to negative emotions is they can act as guidance to get us back on the path where we feel good, so there are lessons in everything and the lessons have come thick and fast.
Probably one of my biggest lessons was about "fitting in", something I never quite managed since I can remember. Most recently I made a transition from intellectualising the idea that it's ok not to fit in, to sort of getting it, to actually really feeling and "getting" it and this has made a big difference to me. Perhaps all that was needed was feeling comfortable in my own skin, abilities and purpose.
It made me pontificate this issue of "belonging" that seems to be relevant to most people at the deeper level. Are we even meant to fit in? The reason I say this is because it is such an innate desire to belong but we are all exquisitely different and unique so this is therefore a problem, often solved with the wrong kinds of solutions.
Humans are social creatures but I believe it's the quality of socialising that is the key and that comes from meaningful connection which can only come from being authentic and genuine. Packing your life with things that don't enrich it really is just a temporary feel-good of the wrong kind. It's also an individual thing to what is meaningful and enriching to a person, but essentially... the way to recognise that is also rather simple - just do more of the things you really love. In turn, this usually puts you around people that are more positive and passionate as well.
Doing things we love and sharing that with others will make your life stronger rather than weaker.
Training out in Thailand was an amazing opportunity to be around like minded and positive people for a few weeks and I whiled away a good few hours here with complete strangers. The most fulfilling enriching conversations have always been with those that are not afraid to let rip and just be themselves and perhaps it is easier with strangers. An understanding that the interaction is fleeting is also a rather lovely cure for eroding the ego. So through this, I learnt meaningful connection can come in all forms. It's so important to have a core support system, be that family or close friends but also people in passing can sometimes do the same thing, albeit brief.
I'm home now to Spring in London, Builders Tea, M25 traffic but for now I feel extremely lucky and grateful to smell fresh cut grass and see pigeons. Being out the comfort zone is so important for expansion but being back in it is where consolidation of lessons happen; you need the both. Perhaps you have to go away to come back again; physically and metaphorically!
I have my "Figure" Bodybuilding show tomorrow and am horrifyingly unprepared having spent the previous week in hospital and realising I had finally lost my dignity when I had to use a pair of knickers as a hair band. I'm a bit jet lagged, bloated from antibiotics and lack of sleep but I also have more peace of mind than I have done for a long time being home. Perfection in the human physique doesn't exist, it is subjective and neither does perfect timing so I say..."bring it on". Tomorrow will be a day of fake tan, Diamante, cadbury's chocolate and rum (the backstage pump!) but somehow....it will be ok because my definition of success for this particular experience is just showing up and enjoying it - the work was done in the journey. Thank-you to all those that helped me on my way.
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